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A message to the Tea Party from the Loyal Opposition - Malaclypse the Seeker

Nov. 2nd, 2010

09:37 pm - A message to the Tea Party from the Loyal Opposition

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(x-posted from dreamwidth)

So, you've managed to put your collection of birthers, truthers, Objectivists, assorted scumsuckers and village idiots into Congress. So many in fact that you've managed to take the House of Representatives.

Congratulations, you've earned it. Between the whining of impatient liberals upset that the world wasn't fixed immediately on January 21, 2009 and a news media that loves nothing more than white people making spectacles of themselves, you managed to pull off a decent victory. Not the world-upending win you promised yourselves, but hey. For that, we the Loyal Opposition offer our (grudging) respect.

Now comes the tough part; you've got to do something with that win. We've got a nasty ground fight going on in Afghanistan, people we still need to pull out of Iraq, an economy which might not be in freefall but it's edging way too close for anybody's comfort, unemployment still at 10%, millions of people without access to affordable health care...

...and it now all falls upon you, the Tea Party, to make shit right. You've proved you've got mouth, now you've got to put your money where your mouth is.

Scary, isn't it? You can't just throw tantrums anymore - I know it's your core competency, but you're not at the rallies anymore. You're going to have to do things like write bills and pass votes. What's worse is your constituents will require ideological purity that Stalin might find excessive; if you happen to work with the Loyal Opposition, your chances of getting primaried in the next two years will skyrocket.

If you do nothing, well. Sure, you can shut down the government, you can form all sorts of House investigations into irrelevant nonsense, and that will keep the 10% or so of voters that gave you an edge happy. But if things get worse, even a little worse and you're busy interrogating people as to the authenticity of the President's birth certificate... The American people don't like it when their leaders give the impression of dicking around when their people are suffering. You should know this; it's how you won after all, by yelling that as loud as you could.

Way back in the early days of the Roman Republic, a Greek king by the name of Phyrrus invaded Italy. He was actually one of the few people to ever beat the Romans at their own game and on their own soil, but the cost of winning was too high for him to sustain. After one battle where he wiped out the Roman army in exchange for over half his troops, he supposedly said, "Another such victory and we are undone."

So congratulations, you won. You won the right to look like the pack of intransigent morons you are. You won the privilege of being blamed for every problem in the known universe. You won the honor of failing on a national level. And you earned every second of scorn and contempt you'll pick up in the next few years.

We'll see you in '12.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Loyal Opposition


[User Picture]
Date:November 3rd, 2010 07:34 pm (UTC)
Also, Democrats: You owe Sarah Palin a vote of thanks. If she hadn't been shilling for the batshit insane lunatics like Sharron Angle (who managed to motivate the Latino voters like never before) and Christine o'Donnel in the Republican Senate primaries, the GOP'd likely have taken the Senate as well.
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[User Picture]
Date:November 3rd, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
No, not really. Palin, as a classic opportunist, didn't endorse Angle, O'Donnel or any of the other high-profile candidates until well after the primary season. The loonies got into the race solely on the backing of the Tea Party.

But you're right: if the Tea Party hadn't put these idiots up, we'd see GOP wins in Delaware, Nevada and Colorado.
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